But whether she does or doesn’t, the most positive way I can influence my situation is to work on myself, on my being. Hopefully, my wife will feel the power of proactive example and respond in kind. I can focus on being a great marriage partner, a source of unconditional love and support. I can stop trying to shape up my wife and work on my own weaknesses. If I really want to improve my situation, I can work on the one thing over which I have control-myself. My ability to positively impact the situation withers and dies. My criticism is worse than the conduct I want to correct. I also diminish my ability to influence her-my nagging, accusing, critical attitude only makes her feel validated in her own weakness. If I have a problem in my marriage, what do I really gain by continually confessing my wife’s sins? By saying I’m not responsible, I make myself a powerless victim I immobilize myself in a negative situation. “control our lives and to powerfully influence our circumstances by working on be, on what we are.
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